In chapter 12, we covered confession and repentance...
Now we see HOW and WHY confession and repentance fixes damage in the brain for both parties!
Let's look at the case of an Abuser hurting an Abused person...
The Abused person's Unaware Brain knows the HOW and WHY of the Abuse. However, her Unaware Brain is living in fear because it doesn't know the Abuse won't happen again. The Unaware Brain of the Abused doesn't believe the Abuser is conscious of the Abuse. So, every time the Abuser interacts with the Abused, the Abused is ramping up protecting against the next occurrence of Abuse.
Furthermore, the conscious brain of the Abused may continue to replay the Abuse looking for HOW the Abused might have caused the Abuse! This is a contradiction that wears the Abused out.
The Unaware Brain of the Abuser knows what he did. However, the Unaware Brain may not know if he wants to continue the Abuse or not. This is WHY Jesus told us in Matthew 18 and Luke 17, the Abuser MUST be confronted if he is a believer...so the Unaware Brain of the Abuser can know which way the individual wants to go.
If the individual rationalizes or justifies the Abuse, the Unaware Brain is going to "juice" the individual towards more Abuse. Eventually, the Abuser will cease to be a believer and get removed from community...which ought to cause the conscious brain to get out of denial and choose to Repair the Abuse.
Ideally, the individual would admit (confess) the Abuse was wrong when he is confronted. This causes the Unaware Brain of the Abuser to "juice" the individual away from Abusing others!
When the Abuser confesses, he states he CONSCIOUSLY knows WHAT he did...he CONSCIOUSLY knows WHY he did it...and he CONSCIOUSLY knows it was wrong. This is the definition of confession.
The Abused can now relax because their Unaware Brain AND conscious brain both know the Abuse had a cause and the Abuser is in control of it. The Abuser stating it is wrong will cause the Abused to file away the Abuse without contradiction...the Abused knows she wasn't the cause of the Abuse.
The confession ALONE is healing...but there's more.
When the Abuser Repents...takes action to Repair the Abuse, the Abuser's conscious brain and Unaware Brain achieve congruity...which is healthy for the Abuser. Notice, Repentance is a DO. Confession is a SAY. Repentance helps the person's DO match his SAY.
The Abused is now firmly convinced the Abuse was not her fault and can also achieve congruity.
Ignoring the Abuse does not make these thoughts go away...it actually ensures the person will become damaged over time.
Today, many ministries endorse a "reset button" mentality. They encourage the Abused to forget the Abuse. This is actually an attempt to damage the Abused's brain!!!!
Jesus gave us several examples and encouraged us to confront believers. He did this for OUR benefit. However, one of the main reasons the church lacks unity is we don't know HOW/WHY to confront others.
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